Love is a core value to any kind of relationship. It can be related to a mother and her child, or a father and a daughter, a friend, or a loved one.
Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages,” illiterates the meaning of love and how we all express it differently than others do. He goes into detail with each category, which consists of Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. We all gear to one of these five.
In the sense of the word “love”, some misuse the word to where it has no more meaning to them. They don’t actually love – they may experience some sort of comfort with the word but do they actually know the feeling of love and care for one?
We use the same word to express our affection for random things, such as ice cream or an outfit on a mannequin; however, we also use the word “love” to signify a lifelong devotion to our spouse that displays passion and care.
After taking the “What is your love language,” I was not surprised to see what my result was; however, I was surprised I didn’t have more than one. A word of affirmation is my love language because I find that unsolicited compliments mean the world to me. A simple, “I love you” or “I appreciate you” can go along the way with me. It tells me that I am okay and at peace in the relationship because I receive their attention in that way.
“Love is a verb,” Chapman says. We take action to how we feel for our loved ones and we do everything possible to make sure they receive our love.
What Chapman’s book taught me is that love is not always communicated in a way that the recipient responds best to – the reason behind this is because one’s spouse rarely shares the same love language as the other does.
As Gary Chapman says, “If we learn to meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we’ve ever felt.” It’s the sense of understanding each other and how each other want to feel loved.
Looking back on my past relationships, I never really analyzed or even thought of “what is my love language.” Knowing me, I thrive off words of confirmation or stability in the relationship allowing me to know that I am safe and I have their undivided love and attention.
The “cheesy” or “corny” sweet text messages or love notes – yes, those are my favorite and I will cherish every word.
Through words of affirmation, the things that I love receiving comments on are that follow: a new haircut, my size, a new pair of shoes, a new lip shade color, or new skintight jeans. On a more sensual side, I love the affirmation by I love you, babe, you are the best, I just want to let you know I am thinking of you, you are my kind of woman, and what a blessing you are to me. These comments I receive from my boyfriend and it drives me to excitement, even if I have a bad day. A single word of affirmation from him – I can go from a 0 to a 10 real quick. It’s crazy if you ask me but that is my love language and I thrive off those sorts of things.
Some more dialects/preferences within Words of Affirmation are praising a specific task or achievements of a person, praising their effort if you can’t praise results and also tell them how much you value them or adore them.
As Chapman says, “We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.” Love is always freely given. You cannot pick and choice what you want out of that one person. Love is not demanded.
It was no shocker to see that words of affirmation were my love language. Both my boyfriend and I seem to share a lot in common and that’s one of them. We both love the affection of one another through uplifting words and gestures.
The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision every day, says Chapman.
Chapman, G. D. (2010). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Chicago: Northfield Pub.
Famous Quote from Gary Chapman. (n.d.). Retrieved December 02, 2016, from http://www.famousquotefrom.com/gary-chapman/